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Overly-educated Good Girl
has the most crippling Inner Critic?
(Life Passage 3: Childhood Choice)


If you’re reading this, you are likely well-educated.  Possibly overly-educated.  (That’s just who I tend to attract)  Hey, I get it.  I was the valedictorian of my private high school before I went on to Stanford University and later, law school.  

It’s fun to be smart.  It’s rewarding to be seen as a success.  But growing up an academic high-achiever also has down-sides.  Maybe like you, I was so well taught, indoctrinated, managed, and informed as a child, that I didn’t act like a crazy kid, wild and free.  In fact, I thought that was selfish and disrespectful.  I was a creative kid, imaginative, and shy.  But did I run wild, doing whatever I wanted?  Nope. I was a good girl! Proudly so. And I was rewarded for it.

Mellissa is in the woods, holding a basket and reaching out her hand to the camera

Strangely, doing everything right can cost us our mental freedom.  We are not really free to choose our own ways while we are following all the rules. I mean, it’s good that we were shown our parents’ ways, their positions and ideas, and their reasoning.  But too often, we end up programmed instead of empowered as children.  We were likely told to be seen but not heard.  Decisions were made for us in a world where things  happen too fast to sit and patiently wait for a child to decide on their own.  We end up unable to choose.

So how is it supposed to go instead?  

Around the age of seven, there is a developmental shift where a child can discern more on their own.  Kids begin to make their own decisions.  A tuned-in community, like many indigenous traditions, will celebrate the child as they come into their ability to choose for themselves.  Kids are given work to do with their hands, ways to develop their unique gifts.  They’re encouraged to be messy, to make mistakes and learn from them. They are given responsibilities, things to take care of by using their own discernment.  They are not expected to get it right.  They are not pushed to be mini-versions of their parents.  They are free to choose many things for themselves, and are encouraged to do so.  This allows them to freely choose, to experiment, and to change course at will.  

When we are instead controlled, managed, manipulated, and indoctrinated as children, we miss out on a Childhood Life Passage that I call the CHOICE Initiation.  Not only that, but we end up with an inner nemesis. The old rules morph inside our minds to become an Inner Critic that berates us for being imperfect, every day for the rest of our lives.  Without completing the Choice Passage, we grow up feeling guilt and shame for our thoughts and desires.  We do not feel free to think, desire, and choose for ourselves.  We make choices from external pressures, and we lose our inherent ability for free choice.  And with the inner critic, we are mean to ourselves with our thoughts.  This passage in the game has the ability to set our minds free to truly think and choose for ourselves.

So hey, if you happen to have an inner voice constantly critiquing you like a nasty peanut gallery, welcome to the club!  It is so common with smart people who have always tried to do the right things.  But that inner critic, and the guilt and shame that accompany it, can keep you from feeling like a winner in the game of life.  

But it’s never too late to re-experience, heal, and activate that Choice Initiation, no matter how old we are!  Healing the third life initiation of Choice activates your ability to untangle from guilt, shame, and inner critique so you can enjoy the freedom to choose your own way of creating your life.


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About Mellissa

Mellissa was a Stanford-educated business lawyer until her intuitive abilities awakened in the year 2000 with the birth of her daughter.  Now she bridges the worlds of business strategy and intuitive intelligence. Creative designers, Fortune 500 executives, and thought leaders hire her to teach them how to Channel their Genius – to create on demand, to stay in their flow state, and to create lucrative businesses that follow their souls’ calling.

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